viva (dvlf) wrote,


He  keeps asking me if I'm okay ..which I reply fine

Or if there's anything he can do ..which there isnt

Because I seem depressed

To which I reply yes

Like super super depressed

To which I reply..I get it

Like telling me I seem depressed when I've been telling him I've been depressed for weeks is gonna help me ever

The first thing he always asks is if I'm on my period..
Like it ever helps even if i was. Its not justifiable in any way.  If im being irrational while menstrating its blatent and obvious.

He reads this but I still don't think he really understands how it is to be filled nonstop with emotions cause he suppresses everything

I feel worse because there isn't anything he can do

But constantly asking me if I'm okay then forgetting everything I've previously said doesn't help me ever

I'm constantly in pain..chronic body pain..I've always had it for years ..I don't take anything because pills don't help me...herb helps but only a mild amount ...nothing can save me

The only times I've ever felt exasperated joy was at elvis's house and shows or working or doing something with actual purpose ...the rest of my life has been me fighting against the darkness

Even with all i'm grateful for, it really isnt enough.

Everything i have still isnt helping me achieve my dreams of actively helping others while helping myself at the same time ..its either help others and get nothing ..or put effort into doing things i dont want to do that wont make me any happier

Everything hurts

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