viva (dvlf) wrote,
viva
dvlf

Grumpy or just a person

Apparently me being too hot and not wanting to be touched equates to me being grumpy ..I'm like no it means I don't want to be touched

Being grumpy is having to tell someone repeatedly that I don't want to be touched and having them tell me how I feel.

And also being coughed on repeatedly..he apparently NEVER knows when he's gonna cough..so he never covers his mouth ever because he claims there's no time ...it's apparently  so spontaneous and abrubt, "like a sneeze", He's like 'don't u ever sneeze' and I'm like yeah..I still cover my mouth. seriously he spit/cough hit my arm 2 or 3 times and all over my back

He always thinks I'm mad when I'm not actually mad

Then he got mad at me for getting mad about the coughing thing. But really, how do you not sense at all that you're gonna cough. There's still like 2 seconds it takes to feel it in your chest and throat. In which time you could  cover your mouth. He keeps his mouth closed sometimes but it still flies out when he claims it doesnt, When it reallllly does. how many times do I have to ask. He's says he can't control it
I'm like be aware of your body..pay fucking attention
He's gonna be 29 at the end of the month. Like grow the fuck up ..you just graduated school ..don't fucking touch me if I don't want to be touched and cover your mouth and wash your hands
Its not that hard to be an adult.. Except apparently it is For everyone in the world

What's sad is I doubt there's any dude out there who really actually respects women and treats them like just a person..even people in legitimate caring relationships ..when we were younger it was a different world .. No one stood up because it was just expected .. Harassment, comments, the way people interact with each other ..now people are becoming more aware ..of themselves and everyone around them..or at least I am .. More so than I ever was. I know my own body more than anyone else..I know what I'm feeling when I feel it even if I don't know what's causing it..if I'm overheated and you are cold..me making you warm isn't going to make me less warm

I get that he's needy ..but I don't want to kiss every 2 minutes ..I let him know when  I need space and what i want on a regular basis ..he gets frustrated that everything is on my terms sometimes ...but if it wasn't..I'd probably be miserable and filled with resentment ..

I'm still affectionate but I'm not the same as I used to be when we started dating and that isn't about him..it's about me and my body and my awareness of what's going on with my body. Which he has trouble understanding.  I'm sorry he's butthurt about it But I don't know how to make it any clearer. He's not overly disrespectful about it ..he'll just mope around and sleep on the couch and get offended that im not more accomidating to his needs. But i dont know how to do that without compromising myself

But still..it's upsetting to constantly have to be like no, I don't want to kiss or bang or whatever ALL DAY ..he just asks all the time because every so often I'll randomly change my mind ..I'm like dude..when and if I change my mind..I'll let you know

I'm always on my guard ..all the time with everyone..it's exhausting. Even if I wasn't with him..I'd still be on my guard. There is no shutting it down. There is no real relaxing. There also isnt any indication in this world that i ever could or should.

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