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DivaVivaLeFreek's delusional thoughts [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | viva sigal sahar ]
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okcupid [24 Mar 2018|01:28pm]

apparently I'm banned from okcupid..but they won't tell me why

so much for trying to catch a date ever

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new york is so new york [20 Mar 2018|10:52pm]

we got parking tickets every day even though there was no signage indicating we couldn't park there

we hit a cop car while the cop saw and he didn't do anything

we scream FLLOORRIIIDDAAA ..whenever we do something wild..like busting a u turn and cutting people off

they're silly and passionate. they talk about music and their interests and how much they love each other. while also making fun of each other the whole time

they actually appreciate me and include me in everything and ask for my opinions on things and mean it.

apparently our singer's dog back home chewed through the fence, ran away, jumped into the new neighbors car, hung out for like 15 minutes. apparently they're also vegan and want to meet him

i fell the other day and busted my tailbone..it hurts to sit..or move..or clench.. everything hurts. it feels bruised but isnt bruised. cause apparently I'm not in enough pain already.

they love to listen to the music they create on drives.

they've all been sick except me but they constantly check in with each other to see how they are and if they need help.

they actively talk about what they can do to better themselves as a band

vegan food is delicious so i might just stay on this path for a while

one year for brit. nothing is easier and nothing makes sense

i will most likely actually be homeless next year if they move nana to a home.

the amount of lonliness i feel is less surprising than before but still not any easier

snow is still the worst

its unfortunate that i most likely wont get paid anything for this tour especially cause i paid $140 to meet up with them but its been nice and weird and wild but also mellow at the same time

six days left

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Fuck you tom rose [05 Mar 2018|03:44pm]

The letter i wrote my union office today after last night

Id like to file a complaint against Tom Rose

Last night at the broward performing arts center, he grabbed Tina's butt. Unsolicited. They aren't even friends or friendly. It was completely uncalled for and inappropriate. There was 5 to 8 people who witnessed the incident. And while i appreciate Lou rightfully throwing him off the call, Tom continued to scream about union brotherhood and how unfair it was that he had to leave. That's outrageous in general. He is not our brother and has shown no desire to be one.

I'm incredibly enraged about this particularly because I've been witness to now countless times over the years to him sexually harassing women. Or just harassing people in general.

How many times do we need to complain for someone to hear us and do something about it? How many times can you fine someone and have them to continue their abusive behavior. He's a drain on this union and shouldn't be in it. He does no work, has a constant bad attitude, picks fights with people, and continuously harasses people. However old you are or however long you've been in this union or any union is not a good excuse and you should know better.

We shouldn't have to continually worry about being harassed or groped or made to feel inadequate every single job we take. We are good at what we do and we don't feel safe. That should be important to someone. I hope for the sake of our union, it's important to someone and you.

No one is listening to us. Every man who sees another man do this type of thing never writes them up but will continually say something to us on a job about how messed up it is.

We need to think about how we can change this. Or have some kind of stricter no tolerance policy. Because nothing is changing and we are filled with rage about it.

There was another woman on the call last night, I dont know her name, who's expressed that Tom Rose rubbed himself on her deliberately at another job on more than one occasion but she didn't report it because she didn't want to be harassed about it.

I know I keep repeating myself, but I don't know what else to do to express the consistent disappointment and urgency I feel for everyone involved. This isn't okay ever and we shouldn't stand for it or defend people like this.

Passionately and sincerely,

Viva Sigal Sahar

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RAGE [05 Mar 2018|09:13am]

I worked all day yesterday. All night over night last night where Some old guy grabbed my coworkers ass out of nowhere. And he's known for doing fucked up shit. Taking pictures of girls without their permission , starting fights , not actually working. I'm so sick of this shit. How many times do we have to write someone up before someone takes action. Can't we just go to work and not be sexually harassed every single fucking day. I'm so enraged and no one does anything about it. It always comes down to me. Which i don't want or have the spoons for this type of controversy for a job i don't like that much anymore. But it's union. And union money is good if you can get it. But when will this shit end? As the guy was getting thrown off the call last night he was screaming about union brotherhood. LIKE REALLY DUDE? REALLY? you're no ones fucking brother. You're a pathetic cry for attention because no one likes you and you're  lonely old useless waste of space. Do some fucking work and stop harassing every single female.

And this one lady was defending him on the loadin saying OH HE'S BEEN HERE FOREVER AND WE HAVE TO RESPECT OUR ELDERS
.. FUCK THAT. Why should we respect a known predator. I don't give a fuck how old you are. This is never okay. I'm fucking sick of it.

I tried to calm down last night and i couldn't. My rage is so violently present.

And now I'm at work on 2 hours of sleep while some parkinglot guy was super rude to a bunch of people at 7am. Like why.. Who's day are you making better by being rude that early. And people keep telling me to smile.

I'm so fucking  tired.

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Marcus wade [04 Mar 2018|08:14pm]

I just found out another one of my roadie friends died on February 9th. No one told me. I had no idea. My heart hurts so bad. He was my favorite pyro guy and a good friend since 2012

Im ugly crying in my car before i have to go into my overnight job after working all day. and i have to go in to another job super early tomorrow too.

damn i loved you buddy Rest in power.

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Hope [03 Mar 2018|02:57am]

That glimmer of hope is shining so bright tonight 🎶🌠🎵

possible tour for june with real people with real money to pay . hotel rooms. eventually international maybe. music i love.

please be real

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my babies [02 Mar 2018|11:40am]
their leaves looked super wilty last night
i watered all of them
in the morning they were all perked up and looked happy

i really like that

my sweet babies <3
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Rehab center but also you [01 Mar 2018|05:23pm]

we moved her to health south in sunrise. she doesnt like it but its the only place that would take her. i met all her therapists and doctors there. they were all nice and helpful. i think it will be good for her there. so does her primary. mom thinks she would do better at home. but its less help and im already super overwhelmed.

all day i wanted to text you to come hug me. but it made me cry every time i thought about it. and i know the hug, if you even came, would make me cry even more. i dont deserve your hugs anyway. would it even make me feel better?  would it just make me miss you more? is it just the 6 hours of sleep ive had in 4 days talking? im still crying tbh

i just got home even though i feel like shit for leaving her alone when shes so miserable.

i took a dentist appointment today that was supposed to be for next week cause they had it open and it was only 3 miles away. $400+ and 5 antibiotic injections later, my face really fucking hurts.

my mom is talking to people about assisted living facilities. which i guess means ill be even more homeless.

clay and whitney from the bastard suns broke up. so the band is on hiatus. also clay deleted me which i thought was weird cause he keeps people he actively hates..but not me. what did i really do but challenge his authority and keep him from aggressively abusing whitney. all ive ever done is love that band and want to help that band without getting shit for being myself. is that really so wrong? but i guess no tour this year and even if they did, i doubt theyd take me. so i guess its whatever now. at least i didnt actually have to rage quit but it still fucking hurts. ive known them since 2011

everything hurts

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Hospital night 2 [28 Feb 2018|05:51am]

She can't get comfortable. I dont understand how she wants me to move the pillow. There's noises from outside the room i cant turn off. Shes keeps getting upset with me when i explain that i cant turn off those noises.
tonight is so rough.. She's so cranky and so upset and thinks the nurses are hiding from her cause they didnt immediately bring her 2 more pillows in addition to the 3 she already has. Its rough..it was quiet for a couple hours..now it's complicated. She's getting upset about having to wait and i keep trying to explain that there's other people on the floor too and a limited number of nurses. She keeps saying she's in pain when she's actually just uncomfortable but can't be descriptive for the nurses. She's still pulling out her oxygen thing. But it's back up to 97% with it in.

I think something's actually wrong. shes sleeping like pop did with her mouth open. she didnt used to do that before.

She keeps saying she's not ready to go and that she still has things to do and asking what becomes of human beings

my mom left to go back to teach a class or something. shell maybe come back tomorrow. shes the only one who really knows how to handle things. i really dont want to talk to anyone. i can give her sips of water and move her pillows ans rub her legs and neck. but i dont want to talk to her brother. or mine. or anyone

im not ready for any of this. we just got back the other day. i just wanted a couple days to lay around and organize my life a little before having to work ridiculous and exhausting hours.

i dont want her to feel alone for one second.

ive been crying heavy silent tears for an hour.
i wont have anyone who cares about me like this when im old. and even if i magically did, i dont know any other way to not feel completely alone

i brought her the soft tissues from the house

i wish i could sleep at all in this hospital chair.

why is in between 3 and 6am always the most difficult.

does anyone ever feel peace?

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Ulysses [27 Feb 2018|02:20am]

Ulysses by Alfred Lord Tennyson

It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: All times I have enjoy'd
Greatly, have suffer'd greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone, on shore, and when
Thro' scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vext the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honour'd of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers,
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro'
Gleams that untravell'd world whose margin fades
For ever and forever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!
As tho' to breathe were life! Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

         This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the sceptre and the isle,—
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfil
This labour, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and thro' soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centred in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

         There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark, broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toil'd, and wrought, and thought with me—
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads—you and I are old;
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'T is not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

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Nana in the hospital [27 Feb 2018|01:15am]

i left around 530pm. i got home around 8pm. the front door was unlocked. food left on the counter. very unlike her. i tried to.call her cellphone a bunch of times. marjie came over shortly after i did and told me she was at bethesda west. i immediately left the house and rushed here.

She's talking nonstop. Kind of incoherently. She's very concerned about letting her bridge partner know she cant make it tomorrow. She says she feels nautious. They are gonna  give her some nausea medicine and something for the vertigo. They say her vitals are fine.
She has a lot of anxiety and had a lot of trouble taking the pills and keeping her eyes open. But also the nurse jackie was being kind of forceful and not super tolerant or listening to nana at all. they moved her upstairs. 

the neurologist came in and said her test showed positive for marijuana. She apparently got into my gummies that were vacuumed sealed shut in the bottom of the back refrigerator. She says she ate a small handful. shes never had thc in her whole life. It doesn't make sense why she would do that. She doesn't like gummies or that type of candy. but supposedly that's what happened.

I seriously cant believe this fucking happened though and it's my fault. But also hers.  she didn't know it was medicated but Like why would you eat stuff you know isn't yours and you don't know where it came from. Who does that.

I feel so fucking sick about all of this and i know everyones just gonna make me feel worse about it like that's fucking necessary.

my moms coming tomorrow.

its always one thing after another


my mom showed up. i went home

She ate 14 fucking gummies..holy shit..350mg .. Like i wouldve been in the hospital too. She cut open my vaacum sealed bag. damn nana...damn

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cruise/cozumel [26 Feb 2018|02:21pm]
so the cruise was okay.

i almost died in cozumel. boris drove the jeep onto some dirt roads and it legit almost flipped over. i'm still processing that. we didn't die though and i drank way too much tequila which was unavoidable. but i didn't throw up so there's that. my family doesnt know i almost died. they definitely know i was drunk.

i didn't talk to anyone on the cruise except old people. they were nice though. the amount of racism and body shaming is so present its disgusting. everyone had nice nail polish though.

silent discos are stupid. you give everyone headphones to listen to the same song in the same room but not outloud. what the fuck is the point of that. why have it super silent in a room. why not just put on different music outside the headphones. its just drunk people dancing in a silent room. so fucking weird

i got asked for a november tour already which is rad but no ones got at me for spring yet which makes me really sad. plus anything can happen between now and november

my bank account is -$418.63 in the negative after paying my car insurance. i have some work lined up for this weekend though. but like overnight then working in the super fucking early mornings. no sleep. ever.

my sister got me a vibrator a couple weeks ago. it wasnt super satisfying but it was better than my old one. it already broke and i haven't even used it that much. cant find anyone to get me off and i cant even get myself off. maybe i'm just broken everywhere.

my room is a mess. my car is a mess. my storage unit is packed so high that i cant even reach the stuff on top to throw it out or donate it. i have no one who will actually help me with any of this without wanting something in return. all my real friends are so far away.

christa got an apartment with that lying asshole. i'll most likely never go there.

i miss my grandpa

almost one year for brit

the musicians on the cruise are so talented and so underappreciated.

i dont think i'm gonna eat meat anymore. day 3 is weird
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lw street painting festival [25 Feb 2018|11:52pm]
it's the first year i didn't meet anyone new or wild.
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You [13 Feb 2018|09:29pm]

i still think about you every fucking day

i want to send an emoji or message to let you know but i cant bring myself to engage in an actual conversation yet which is sure to follow

my heart is still broken for lots of reasons most of which have nothing to do with you but i need to heal

how do i heal? what else can i do but over work myself , destroying my body/contributing to my chronic pain, and distract myself with music and bands that dont have any actual tourdates booked even though they all say they want me to go with them. why cant i just not think about you for one day? c

why does my grandma continually buy things she doesnt use? why cant she tape a box? she used to be a fucking teacher. do people really forget how to use tape? why does she judge me and body shame me then constantly tell me to not be upset when i actually dont have any outbursts at her? why does she tell me to not get upset with her when im literally just explaining procedure to her in detail? why do vacations always feel like more work than they should be? why does depression affect my self control and self worth all the fucking time. will my moms new dog let me hug her in peace? why did she tell me i can rant to her but then shoot me down when  i share anything that fucking upsets me?

why is there so much injustice in the world? why cant people just be better instead of fucking horrible all the time? why do cops keep straight up murdering people for literally no reason?

why cant my friends who are such good people stop dying?

why cant i go to work just once without being harassed by someone that claims to be my friend? why is gender inequality and bullshit seniority still a thing? why are People are particularly stupid today?.. why is this One lady here is trying to defend this oldass jerk who takes pictures of women's asses without their permission saying we should respect him cause he's old and our union was built by our elders..when really this guy is old and does absolutely no work. Doesn't listen or watch where he's going..then picks fights with people for calling him out on it. why is this acceptable behavior? why do other men see it and comment on it but never report it?

why are tickets to things so expensive? why does the only person who understands me live so fucking far away?

why cant i move past you? for just one day

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venue gibberish to sort out [06 Feb 2018|02:25pm]

Drop your favorite venues to play at or go see shows at all over the world. And their location and booking contact if you have it.
Feel free to pm the info also
Also if you have any information on venues that are terrible, treat their bands awful, don't pay, or are run by predators, I'd like that info too.

2001 15th Avenue South
Birmingham, AL 35205
BOOKING AGENTS AC Entertainment https://www.facebook.com/ACExperience B O O K I N G ROCK INDIE HIP HOP R&B ROOTS ACOUSTIC FOLK ALTERNATIVE METAL SINGER/SONGWRITER Blood-Rust Booking https://www.facebook.com/bloodrustrecords B O O K I N G PUNK METAL HARDCORE Blue Moon Talent https://www.bluemoontalent.com B O O K I N G CLASSIC ROCK JAZZ CLASSICAL POP (corporate events, fairs, festivals, casinos & weddings) East Coast Entertainment http://www.eastcoastentertainment.com B O O K I N G CLASSIC ROCK POP WORLD JAZZ BLUES R&B COUNTRY ROOTS HIP HOP BLUEGRASS REGGAE SINGER/SONGWRITER LATIN CLASSICAL DANCE GOSPEL FUNK (international corporate events & weddings) SoGnar Presents https://www.facebook.com/SoGnarPresents B O O K I N G ELECTRONIC
Fleetwood's - asheville nc
The Grey Eagle,
185 Clingman Ave
Asheville, North Carolina 28801
The Mothlight 701 Haywood Rd, West Asheville, North Carolina 28806
The Odditorium 1045 Haywood Rd
Asheville, North Carolina
The Visulite Theater in Charlotte, NC!
The Common Market
Charlotte, NC

Crave UPTOWN Restaurant & Bar
Greenville, NC

The Blind Tiger
Greensboro, NC

The Wizard Saloon
Hickory, NC

Petra's-Charlotte, NC
Garner NC just south of Raleigh there is this basement venue in the old pry of garner next to a coffee shop, it's called "Kaboom art gallery" it's the most amazing space, run by this 60+ year old metal head named Yance.
Decibel in Montenay, Mayenne
Nouveau Casino in Paris

https://m.facebook.com/TheCrownHotelDunedin/ - NEW ZEALAND

UK: DIY Space London. Great accessibility, has a room you can go in for quiet (really good for autistics or people with anxiety etc), gender neutral loos . They try to make being in a band/learning an instrument more accessible to LGBT+ people, women, disabled people, and POC by holding 'First timers' events where they teach people guitar or drums or bass or lyric writing etc basics and do socials so you can meet others who are new to stuff to form a band with. All-round a very cool place.
brixton academy
islington academy
hammersmith apollo
shepherds bush empire
the o2
wembley stadium
wembley arena,
royal albert hall
village udnerground
100 club
bush hall
dublin castle
union chapel
alexandra palace
sebright arms
shacklewell arms
the lexington

Rock City. England.
Fibbers. York. England.
The Camden Underworld in London 
Recommended metal (and only metal, but all kinds thereof) booking agent in London - Mick Wood at Monsta Entertainments
I can also make some comments about good festivals (Roadburn, ArcTanGent, Bloodstock Open Air) if that's useful. Bloodstock is heavy and extreme metal - Mick is a good person to contact if you're a smaller band looking to get into the loop, as he runs the Road to Bloodstock battle of the bands for London.
If you're signed to a label, then you'll want to email vicky@bloodstock.uk.com 
Roadburn is extreme/psychedelic/fucking weird/post-whatever - it has an annual curator (someone in the industry), and festival founder Walter Hoeijmakers plays a key role, but I don't have a direct booking contact
ATG is smaller, post-rock/post-metal and want a link to music sent to bands@arctangent.co.uk 
See: http://www.arctangent.co.uk/info/

the saint - asbury NJ
murrays pub house - dunellen nj
Roxy and dukes - dunellen nj
Starland Ballroom - Sayerville, NJ (732) 238-5500

kings rook club,
scottys martini bar and
sherlocks park place

Rex Theater
Club Diesel
Smiling Moose
Mr. Small’s
Club Cafe
Gooski’s (Smaller)
Stage AE
Chameleon – Lancaster PA
Beachside Tavern - New Smyrna
Ocean Deck - Daytona
Coasters- Ft. Walton Beach, FL

Jack Rabbits- Jacksonville, FL

The West End- Sanford, FL

Swampgrass Willy's- Palm Beach Gardens, FL

Sports Page- Satellite Beach, FL
winfields – satellite beach

Toad’s Place. New Haven CT
Old Crow Bar, Middletown, Ohio. Contact : Mike Discoman Shalloe
Hannon's Camp America! Paul Hannon We have a lovely little reggae fest that you'd fit right in! OHMSTEAD MUSIC FESTIVAL
Lifee Empire - Akron Ohio
Oddbodies, Dayton OH
Stanley’s pub - Cincinnati
The grog shop - Cleveland OH
house of blues - Cleveland OH

Nelson Ledge Quarry Park! Garrettsville OH
The foundry Lakewood OH


St Louis
2720 Cherokee,
Old Rock House,
The Bootleg at the Atomic Cowboy
Broadway Oyster Bar
Blueberry Hill
The Crack Fox
Irving Plaza
Cobra Club-Brooklyn, NY.
mohawk place buffalo ny
Wilo Roman Ampersand NYC
St. Vitus Bar (Brooklyn, NY)
Iron Horse Entertainment Group :
Steven Frankenbach is the talent buyer at 230 Down in Southampton, NY.
The Low Beat in Albany, NYhttp://thelowbeat.com
BSP - Kingston
The Anchor – Kingston ( they’re small but treat people super well and have a good crowd)
Upstate Concert Hall - Clifton Park
The Diamond Ballroom
Tower Theater
Blue Note
Drunken Fry
Cain’s ballroom
Brady theater

Pier six
The Ottobar
Rams head
Fishhead cantina
Tin roof

ramshead dockside – glen burnie
ramshead – annapolis
metropolitan – annapolis
mothers peninsula

Ocean City
Pickles Pub

Dave's Taverna- Harrisonburg, Va
Blue Fox Billiards Bar and Grill - Winchester, Va.
Norva – norfolk
jammin java
patriot center
jiffy lube live (nissan pavilion)

The Varsity, Baton Rouge, La
Tipitina’s, New Orleans, La
Can help you get booked at both - Brian Rome
Sloppy's Downtown - Lake Charles, LA
Siberia- New Orleans, LA
Scruffy City Hall - knoxville, tn 
They own Preservation Pub
Hawks & Reed – greenfield MA
Pearl Street - Northampton MA
Middle East – Boston

The Royal

The Palladium

The House of Blues
Woolys - Des Moines, Iowa
Peaches in Yellow Springs
red rocks Morrison Colorado
Surfside 7 - Fort Collins, CO
7th Circle Music Collective
Triple Nickel Tavern - Colorado Springs, CO
The Moxi Theater- Greeley, CO
The Roxy Theater- Denver, CO
Mesa Theater- Grand Junction, CO

Bottle & Cork
Rusty Rudder – Dewey
BAR XIII - Wilmington DE
J.C. Knaepple Indiana RedBarn 
71 Parkview Dr. 
Nashville, IN

The Rock in Tucson
191 toole in Tucson
St. Charles Tavern - Tucson, AZ
Space Smoke Shop- Tucson, AZ
The Rhythm Room - Phoenix, AZ
The Quarry - Bisbee, AZ
Black Cat
930 club
Rock and Roll Hotel 

Booking Contact*- Melina Afzal (melina.afzal@gmail.com) 
*Melina is one of several bookers at BC, and mostly handles burlesque and sideshow bookings. She's also a biiiiit of a flake at times(no shade), but her heart's in the right place, and she's lived and worked in the DC music scene for many years and knows a lot of folks.

The Jinx-Savannah, GA
masquerade – atlanta
star bar – atlanta
tin roof cantina – atlanta
Gnat's Landing- Statesboro, GA
Wee Pub- St. Marys, GA

Never book at cunt cave in atl...rape apologists and fashion punks who claim acab but call the cops at the first sign of anyone they dislike
Tin Roof-Charleston, SC

Character's - Pomona, CA
The Slide Bar- Fullerton, CA
The Knockout - San Francisco, CA
Cooper's Ale House - Nevada City, CA
Velvet Jones, Santa Barbara, CA
710 Beach Club- San Diego, CA
Tower Bar - San Diego, CA
The Echo - Los Angeles, CA
The Wiltern Theater, Los Angeles, CA
Five Star Bar, Los Angeles, CA
The El Rey Theater, Los Angeles, CA
The Roxy Theater, West Hollywood, CA
Troubadour, West Hollywood, CA
The Whiskey a go-go, West Hollywood, CA
Alex's Bar, Long Beach, CA
Blacklight District, Long Beach, CA
Mission Tobacco Lounge - Riverside, CA
The Vibe- Riverside, CA
Concert lounge – riverside CA
Bar sinister – Hollywood
Raw House - Chico, CA
OPP still books shows in Oakland, CA.
Honey Hive Gallery is a venue in San Francisco that often books DIY.
Avoid Stork Club in Oakland, CA they don't address their pay for play policy on their website, they've got sound guy who's a real dick, and worse the owner and workers are creeps.
bottleneck – Lawrence KS
Riot room – Kansas city
Star Theater – Portland
The Space Concert Club - Salem, OR
The Twilight Cafe - Portland, OR

The Bakery Charleston, WV

Le Voyeur in Olympia WA
Marymoor Park in Redmond, WA
Showbox SoDo in Seattle
The Highline - Seattle, WA
Tony V's Garage - Everett, WA
The Wild Buffalo - Bellingham, WA
The staff of El Corazon, in Seattle treat paying customers like shit and it was seen that their "security" guards handcuff and beat people down.
The new Funhouse, that shares their facilities, doesn't have the same problems.

Madison, WI:
High Noon Saloon: awesome venue. Very personal and friendly. Relatively accessible for disabled folks.Generally 18/21+.
Orpheum Theatre: Overall good. Accessibility is so-so.
Overture Center:
Majestic Theatre: Awful for accessibility and lots of assholes frequent it. Venue treats bands well, but people show up and are super rude to bands and other patrons.
Love Buzz - El Paso, TX
three Links - Deep Ellum, TX
Rudyard's British Pub - Houston, TX
Rumble - San Antonio, TX

Lost Well - Austin, TX
Maggie Mae's is a fun dive bar on sixth street in Austin, TX.
Spider House - Austin, TX
Nland Surf Park - Austin, TX
Empire - Austin, TX
The Blue Max- Midland, TX
Rubber Gloves- Denton, TX
Trumbullplex. Anarchist collective.
Magic stick
avoid the Magic Bag. Similar name, but way worse bouncers.
20 Monroe Live in Grand Rapids, MI
The Dive Bar - Las Vegas, NV
Jub Jub's Thirst Parlor - Reno, NV
Moustache Bar - Tijuana, MX

Ruffed Up Duck - Laramie, WY

reggies - chicago
Liars Club - Chicago, IL
NO PLACE - basement venue in Bismarck North Dakota, Pays when able to and requested, all proceeds always go touring artists, and offers a room to crash in, and food as well <3

The Phoenix Concert Theatre in Toronto

The Kave (r.i.p?)
The State Theater
Thompson's Point
Bangor waterfront

Here where I live the main ones for small shows are Cheers and Smith's and if it's big that would be the Morris Performing Arts Center. I don't know if that helps  but there you go.South Bend Indiana, technically Smith's is in Mishawaka, but same difference.
warehouse &tantra san marcos texas. hole in the wall austin tx. the prophet bar dallas tx . granada theater dallas tx
Sadly my favorite Baltimore venue (the Ottobar) is dealing with some troubling staff issues atm. I'm hoping they put their money where their mouth is because I really love that venue. The chameleon club in Lancaster, PA was weird to attend a show at (having tons of bored cops around after the show didn't help any
the UK has something called the Unsigned Guide. They have a list of promoters and small venues that handle their own bookings and want to be contacted by anyone.

Over in the UK, I love The Sunflower Lounge in Birmingham; tiny place but amazing atmosphere. The Flapper is a nice venue down the road from ther on The Canal but that's at threat of closure to build flats.
In Wolverhampton there's The Slade Rooms which host a lot of amazing shows, then there's Clwb Ivor Bach which is pretty much the music highlight of Wales, closely followed by Le Pub, but that's in the most notorious rough part of the country
Things like the Dark Heart in Camden and the marwood cafe in brighton
Vinyl Music Hall , Pensacola, FL!!
Long island new york:
The Paramount
Amityville Music Hall
The Royal in Utah! Also Christian Simeon is the devil in this industry steer clear of him. I also have a list of homes across the US that host traveling musicians if your interested
Wooly's in Des Moines, IA!

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Depression and all the feelings [28 Jan 2018|05:26pm]

I have heavy depression daily and medication doesn't help me at all. I still consider myself to be extremely productive considering the way i feel all the time. Thc helps a little bit but not any prescribed thing I'd be given if i went back to a dr. I've been through talk therapy as a teen/early 20s but not as an adult. But i also know the roots of all my issues and talk therapy doesn't offer another view other than what I already know. It doesn't offer me useful tools to use in my every day life that i haven't read on the internet or through group chats. I've found no solace in any therapist or doctor other than my massage therapist. But even he can't help with getting over my past/current traumas.

I also feel lots of things at once. I can be incredibly grateful and incredibly bitter at the exact same time. I can feel jealousy and empathy for two completely different things or even the same thing at the exact same time.  I have no way to differentiate or splice these feelings into separate emotions. It all comes as a wave, all at once, all the time.  I don't know anyone who feels like i feel and i dont know any doctors that have ever had to deal with something like this

also decent article

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7 years [28 Jan 2018|12:30am]

it wouldve been our 7 year anniversary today

i know i made the right decision in the end but it doesnt make it hurt any less.

at least one of us is happier now even if it isnt me

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January 26th [27 Jan 2018|01:44am]

january 26th is usually a tough day for me. the trauma that all of us endured these days so many years ago will never leave us and deeply affected the way i live my life.

tonight was decent though.

i made a pasta for my grandma and she ate a decent amount which is good for her

i got paid extra out of nowhere

i brought my freezing friend a coat

i made it in time to catch the end of world inferno friendship society and they were still amazing after all these years. and i got in for free

hannibal buress came up on my tinder matches earlier in the night and then i passed him on the street randomly later

i got a lot of hugs and two of my friends walked me to my car even though i was fine but it made them feel better

the existential dread is still there but nothing excrutiatingly terrible happened today.

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Pain [27 Jan 2018|01:33am]

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Poem [26 Jan 2018|02:57am]

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