Tw rape culture ,periods, ignorant males

Tw/cw. r*pe/murder culture, ignorant sunfish, death of friends, Periods, My rage of a thousand fucking suns . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . My boyfriend's best friend is over and for whatever fucking reason he brought up how he doesnt think rape culture is real..or he does followed by whatever excuse he gave I couldnt hear it through my immediate rage. And how the murders/rape is less in america than other countries (like that would matter even if it was true)..and I'm like screaming and crying violently at him and that it is so real and how I see it every day in the groups im in . And how I live it and around it every fucking day. And then my bf agreeing with me but also bringing up how im extra emotional from my period to which I raged out on him too..How the fuck is my period affecting the women who are already being murdered every fucking day. I know he was just trying to defuse the situation cause its after 2am and I'm yelling but he needs to think about his fucking word choices. I rage screamed at them and then went in the bedroom and then my bf has been consistently apologizing and saying how he wasnt trying to invalidate my feelings. His bff apologized too. But then explained how his ex has been raped and how he has a full understanding (fucking eyeroll) of how it affects people and how his experiences have made him think this way. And I was straight up like dude, you're fucking wrong. LISTEN TO WOMEN. I kept repeating that at him/them. Just because they don't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I listen to a lot of stupid sunfish bullshit they say that I dont comment on ..but this is important. This happens to all of us literally every day. Women are scared for their fucking lives every single day. It hurts my fucking heart every single day. And while I may be extra emotional because of my period and the fact a good woman who I loved died today. We will never feel completely safe ever in our lives in this world and most sunfish still don't fucking get it.

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blue rose

685 kilometers or 426 miles by andreina carrero

685 kilometers or 426 miles
By: Andreina Carrero

I moved to move out
Ventured to bring home
Wondered if Alone
I could do something more.

I thought of you while rushing
Thought of you everyday
You ‘keep me’ up and running
Kept those thoughts at bay.

If anyone could understand
I think it must be you
For if there is a soul alive
That hears my heart its you

I wonder if you hear me still
I wonder if YOU steel feel
While coldness wraps around me
Can’t you come to help me heal?

I traveled over oceans
I traveled over land
I flew for miles above you
I kept my heart in hand.

What haunts mi thoughts this mourning
What fills me with a doubt,
Is that all, that I have suffered
Will bring no change about.

How is it we are cruel like this?
Where love is the weapon used.
How can we turn our backs to it?
To close our eyes from truth?

Who holds this hot blood in hand?
Who would holds it ‘till it cools?
Not he who dared to shed it.
Not he who let it pool.

Platonic surges form this land.
So too do passive graves.
All those voices silenced.
Voices, in my head they rave.

They sing to me a sick song.
Vociferous cacophonies.
All together ranting.
Why don’t you fight for me!

My sleep is made but like a thread.
Their voices echoing in my ears
About to snap this fragile string.
Like life it hangs between the shears.

While I continue fighting
For you as well for me
I fight to bring them comfort
I fight to satiate their need.

Can I expect success?
OR for a change to come?
For the chains that bind them broken?
For their tongues to numb?

I welcome any comfort
I might bestow their hearts.
For mine is made the stronger
By listening to their thoughts.

2am tears

Cw. Being lied to, work/life heartaches, tears

My whole professional life (and main reason for living)  is watching others live their (and my) dreams while I wait around for someone to actually see my worth, which they claim to do, while simultaneously breaking my heart.

I've been selling merch for bands I love and bands that need help for over 17 years. I don't drink/always end up driving the Vans.. I have people that travel over 3 hours to see me on tours and not the band but still pay to get in and buy merch to support me..but I cant get any type of commitment. Even with bands I've been with for years. I'm really good at what I do and I care so much and it shows through my work and how I interact with people. It's more than math.

I wish I could sleep, But instead im crying at 3:30am getting up at 630am to do manual labor for $10-$15 per hour to afford to keep going on tours

And i know it's probably nothing but like.. what's so wrong with me that I cant be good enough for anyone to be loyal to me. To want me instead of some dude who's already someone else's tour manager. But will tell me to my face "oh I wish I could take you all the time" He doesnt cost less than I do..I know for a fact. I work for significantly less than im worth to help out bands that need it because I believe in them.  He literally has the best life being a tour manager and does whatever he wants and can afford rent and all I do is fucking struggle and get lied to. It doesn't fucking make sense.

In conclusion. If anyone needs a merch person,  I'm available, have a passport and would love to tour with someone not a cis/Male who can see my worth.

blue rose


I just want to hold you all close and surround you with light because you are so very loved. Even if it's just by me. You're all so very talented and kind. Unique and interesting. It's rare to find people with decent hearts especially while the world crumbles around us. I hope none of you give up and continue to let me love and appreciate you in my own ways. 💜


Merch etiquette by josh henry

A lot of cool merch coming this fall, a lot of new designs and new items also. We have had some of our current designs for over a year and we know you’re ready for some fresh stuff! Super stoked, but I do wanna let you know some of the items are super limited, so if you see something, grab it.

We do our best to make sure we always have stock and fresh designs but it also costs money for artwork and designs and production. So plan accordingly this fall, and keep a little ballyhoo! stash in your desk or somewhere safe so you’re able to get what you want. The better an item sells, more likely we’ll restock it!

I also wanted to help make merch smoother and faster for everyone...so here’s some tips!

Most if not all the Hooligans are always polite and so supportive when I meet you at merch, this is more for the non fans and people that can’t handle their liquor.

1. Know what you want when you come up to the table. While standing in line, try to figure out what you might want to buy. If you’re unsure when you get there, stand to the side and I will come back to you when you’re ready.

2. When asking for an item, please don’t just point and say “I want that Ballyhoo! shirt”

Pointing honestly doesn’t help me at all because I’m facing you. And when I turn around to look I can’t see your finger pointing in the middle of 5 shirts. Be specific, don’t just say BLUE ballyhoo shirt, we sometimes have a few designs in the same color.

For example, when you come up to the table say “Hi I’d like the Mermaid Tank in a L” or “Hi I’d like letter A in a L” if that’s your normal size. If you would like to see another size after that then we’ll go from there.

***Our sizes are true to size. If you wear a large, it’ll stay a large.

If you ask me for “that ballyhoo shirt” and that’s it I’m just gonna stare at you until you tell me the size and description of the shirt or move on to the next person.

3. ***Don’t ask for discounts. If I’m asked for discounts especially in front of other fans I will move on to the next person. This is how we tour and make money. It’s how the guys pay us and we are able to come to your city. I don’t care how many items you bought or how long you’ve know the guys. There are other people who spent just as much as you and have known them just as long. They choose not to do VIP packages and are very responsive to fans online, so don’t take advantage of their niceness. I also don’t care if the band or other merch guys have given you a discount in the past. The only time discounts will be given is if I specifically get told by the band to hook someone up.

Think of it like this:

When you go to the movies and buy a ticket, do you then go up to the concession and say “I bought a ticket so I deserve a free popcorn”? Or go into Target and buy two deodorants and then ask for a discount because you bought two? No, so please don’t ask me. It’s a pet peeve of mine.

4. Please be careful with my iPad. It’s the second one I’ve bought because drunk people press too hard on it or knock it over. You don’t need to press hard to sign the signature it’s very sensitive. It’s also my personal iPad not band bought. You wouldn’t want me ruining your computer or spilling beer all over it.

5. Do not put your drinks on the merch table. Be a grown up and hold your drink or have a friend hold it or put it on the floor. If you put your drink on my table, I will drink it if I’m thirsty or throw it out.

6. Please don’t ask me anything related to production. I sell merch, I’m not the TM or venue.

7. If you’re not looking to buy anything, please don’t come up and ask me to let you see a million things then tell me you’ll be back because you don’t wanna hold it. Just come back when you’re ready. Especially when there’s a line.

8. Don’t ask me to hold stuff. I can’t be responsible for people’s items during the show. There are people who will reach under or behind the table and grab stuff. I don’t want that to happen to you.

Hope that helps some of you, and will make it easy for everyone so that you don’t miss any of the show!


My best friend

My best friend, who's across the country, always tells me she loves me when I rant and freak out about issues she can't do anything about. She tells me her point of view on situations when I can't see clear. Gives her honest opinions on decision making. Sends me memes and animal pictures and videos. Tells me all the tea at her job and in her life. Reminds me of inside jokes that I've forgotten about. When we're together there's an indescribable feeling that no matter what we'll be okay as long as we're  together. Even when it's raining shit on both of us, we know we have each other to do these things mostly without judgement. Even with minor judgements we give details and explanations on why we think it's  a bad idea/wrong and offer solutions so whatever it is wont happen again. But we've also been bff for 20 years now. Which unfortunatly most people don't have that blessing.


Anti fa

Let's do some quick math, friends:

- Antifa is not an organization; nobody belongs to it, there are no membership rolls. So you cannot prove you do not belong to it.

- If you have shown up to a protest, if you have been in a picture showing you were near a protest, if you have offered first aid at a political demonstration or shown up as clergy support or carried a sign or made a Facebook post or LIKED a post saying you're against fascism, you could be accused of being a "member of Antifa," and you can't prove it's not true.

- If this measure to declare "Antifa" "domestic terrorists" passes, that means you and I can be arrested and prosecuted as "domestic terrorists." No, really, you too.

- We passed a bunch of laws and rulings back in 2002 or so declaring that accused terrorists don't get due process, and can be held indefinitely without trial, tortured, and so on.

- The Trump administration also just declared that they're opening up the death penalty for federal crimes, like terrorism, for the first time in years.

- We have a whole bunch of new for-profit detention camps for holding people in indefinitely without trial, where people are dying right now from nightmarish conditions.

- ICE is running around right now, without badges or uniforms or warrants, disappearing people--including US citizens--and locking them up, and fully half their agents belong to a Facebook group where they shared racist jokes, bragged about the violence they'd done to the subhuman animals they're locking up, and talked about how they wanted to assault and rape political figures they don't like.

- This is a license to lock up and execute political dissenters and community organizers without due process and the pieces have all been put in place to use it.

- We are running out of time to stop this train.



It has been repetitively ruled by courts that police have no responsibility to protect the community, only and specifically to enforce laws

The police are the ones who unjustly target black people, poor people, and especially poor black people nationwide, on a systemic and complete level

The police are the ones who protect each other from consequences of wrongdoing

The police are the ones who approach peaceful protests with militarized shows of force

The police are the ones who plant drugs, guns, and other incriminations on people who are innocent

The police are the ones killing people on whim and reflex and then spinning false trails to justify it

These are not isolated, uncommon, or abnormal anywhere in the country, least of all in cities like Chicago, New York, Detroit, and St. Louis.

I know that police originated in America as a racist task force, to support systemic white supremacy.

I know that the police still serve the same function, serving rich white interests and protecting capital.

I know that they are a system that can be entirely replaced with community policing (a term police organizations have recently co-opted in an effort to seem community friendly).

I know that even good cops support bad ones because of the concept of the thin blue line.

I know that a system is vastly more likely to change you than you are to change it

I know that it's more than a few bad apples.

I know that white supremacists have been purposefully infiltrating police for decades.

I know that the police are an organization and environment that foster and encourage white supremacy, which both led to this infiltration and builds from it.

I know that police are class traitors.

I know that the world would be better off if every police officer quit their job



My friends mom who I love was put in hospice yesterday. I just found out. She always took me in when I'd run away from home or needed any place to go if I wasnt at ilyse's or brit's house. She was the best person. I'm really sad.

Meanwhile I cant even get my own mom to be nice to me or want to spend time with me. All I want is for her to actually want to spend time with me and hug me, but she's too busy and/or actively doesnt want to.

What even is family