viva (dvlf) wrote,

Insomnia anxiety and cordials

When you don't sleep well in general but now you really can't sleep because the door has to be open so I can make sure my grandpa is breathing/sleeping okay without his cpap machine which he can't wear cause his face is too swollen..everytime he moves, I think something is happening ..when it isn't...but I can't relax ever..and I can't listen to music because then I can't hear him if he needs something

I keep thinking the worst and hoping for the best but I'm terrified something is gonna happen when I'm gone and I'm not ready to be without him ..but I also don't want to not go on tour because its the only thing that makes me happy in real life

My grandma and I had chocolate cordials with almond milk to help us sleep last night ..neither of us really drink. She's told a story about how my mom took her to a nudist massage thing and didn't tell her and my grandma was the only one not naked and everyone thought she was really cool..I also kept giving her the stuff from my cup ..and she's like "i keep sipping and there's still stuff at the bottom"

I love them

Especially how excited/happy my grandpa gets when i offer him a fudgicle

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