Nothing is better..everything is significantly more stressful and now my mom is mad at me cause i said fuck in a text message and is deciding to cut off my phone while I'm not even gonna be in town. When she knows i have to pay my car insurance. In the middle of trying to find an apartment..like okay that's not super petty at all. All the while blaming me for an issue she unnecessarily caused when I'm literally the only one here doing anything in the house. FOR THEM
I wake up early and depressed every day but continue to do all this for my family who clearly doesn't appreciate me or consider me in any conversations regarding this family or the selling of this house.
Why tell me i can come to you with problems and concerns if you're gonna shoot me down and make me feel inadequate for feeling in general.. You're the one who gave me these feelings..i never asked to be born or raised the way i was with all the trauma you chose to ignore..but sure, telling me to just get over it Will totally help.
I'm not going on the first week of tour today even though i put a ton of my own effort into getting a free ride up and paying out of pocket i can't afford to get a ride to my next tour. Cause trying to live your dreams while living in chaos is/was still possible.. But no..not for me...it's really hard to accept that all my dreams are so dependant on others. I can't achieve anything i want without help and no one i love or consistently support will actually help.. So easily replaceable by random strangers who don't care about you, the music, or the merch
Now I'll be stuck in this house with my mom and uncle who continually don't understand me and don't try to. Everything i do is apparently for nothing. Why do i continue...with anything.
I dont want to argue or fight..everything is stressful enough as it is