September 28th, 2001


my plans today,.....

goto school.. the high school that is... watkins mill....hang out for a few hours.... the lunches more than likely...until i get kicked out.. hehe.... then i'm going to the mall to hunt down AC.. cause i need my i can goto Kick off tomarrow.. cause i'm going... its all good....i forgot to call ashley....that sucks....maybe i'll call her today...i hope Stacey or Tiha gives ET my number....that guy has been implanted in my head..i cant stop thinking about him.... but anyway....its all good.

call my cell if u want me..

something needs to go on tonight!
  • Current Music
    Sum 41 - Fat Lip

fuck security

i went to school this morning and Mr Early (my excouncelor).. was like goto the office and get a pass... and so i goto the office and they wouldnt give me a pass to go see ms ogaz!!.... so i was just like ya know what...fuck you.. and i went to ms ogaz's room anyway.. and steve cought me and gave me a minor bitchfit.. and it was all i hung out with chris and ms ogaz.. and me and chris went down looking for ryan in the lunchroom/guidence office.. and bitch shelton bitched at me...but was really nice about it.i saw nick.. my love.. my short weird little freek who i love to peices.....i saw marc.. my baby..i saw biggie.. matt hyson who is just SO CUTE!..... and someone else.. then as i was being bitched at i was leaving and i saw me jimmy and chris went back to ms ogaz's room... and chilled...and i love jimmy...he's so awesome.. then as i was leavin i saw jordan and erica.. and jordan gave me a ride to the mall..

from the mall i hung out with Rene in suncoast.. waited for liek 3 hours..then AC comes with steve....suncoast couldnt cash her check so i had to i went with AC and steve.. (he broke up with brit..its so sad).. and we hung out..went to mom's house (sam aka crystal's mom) hugn out with kevin mccarthy and patrick (crystal's brother).. and that was cool...then we went to this place by steve's work and AC got me this like mini-pipe thing...its completly useless but its SO CUTE!!..... then AC got me my money and steve dropped me back off at the mall...i paid rob back..i got a was oh so good....then i decided...hey why not goto montgomery mall for no apparent i took the bus to the metro to switch buses to goto montgomery mall....when i got to the metro is was like 3:45.. and it looked like i was like ya know what...forget it... so i took the bus back to apple ridge rd.. and i ran into peter.. talked to him for a while..... then i called my mom to come pick me up and she actually did....rock i'm anything up tonight????

"we can do it under the tree, around the tree.. we can use the balls.. "---mike schaffer
"the ornimants"--eve
"i dunno what they're called, i'm jewish.. yeah we can use the balls to do have sex.. thats the spirit of christmas"--mike schaffer
  • Current Music
    ithica radio live

Brit's Poetry.....i love brit....she rocks..

Swirling colour burst behind my eyes
Blindly stumble into the mist of nothing
That's my metaphor of you.

Staring into the flame,
I see colours
Gazing at the twilight,
I do see the colours.

Purple dusk of twilight time
Reach beneath me and pull me head over heals
The tiredness concentrates on my eyes,
Making me blind to your obvious presence.
Making me oblivious to your obvious presence.

The purple throws my mind afar,
I sit and wait the dark sky
Pure white moon
Endless stars.


A mental bruise here,
One save my mind
Then my angers arise
The pictures float above the frame
Too blind and innocent we seem.

But we say,
Irony of all it seems!
One seems to watch me
Being of mind of course
Mine alone.

When I come to bring sense
I come to know myself
Who or what I truly am
One, save you.
I am a person.


Fine hour,
You and me.
The fountain spurts,
And then my pennies splash.

Make a wish they say,
I do.
Wish upon the stars.

All is quiet,
We are engulfed in silence.
And I?m alone.
It is never crowded.

The sun rises,
I scurry in.
The storm does pass
But leaves a tad behind,
A memory of
The grayness in the sky.


I wander into here,
Into something that knows nothing of me,
And I know nothing of them.
They give their question
I give detours.
When the wind blows I might just follow.
But I follow scents of nothing.


Hunched over your work
I do see you.
Secret love of mine
Your pencil moves and my mind churns,
Yet without a doubt,
Not a notice of me.
Not a doubt of though of me.
The picture fills your paper
My words fill mine with grand words of you,
Yet never a word with you.


The Forgotten One

I was forgotten
Left alone standing there.
The lone ranger was I,
Not a word spoken.
All heard is mute
Snuffed and forgotten.
Away with this history,
Away with I!
For I was forgotten
Standing there in the rain
All to keep my company.
People zoomed by me,
Not a glance did they take,
Not a head turned
Not a sound did they make
At I.


At last
You fall.
To quench my unbearable thirst.
The trees were dying.
The flowers wilting.
You save them at your mercy.

You fall.
The cold dropet of aqua.
Cool, and wet.
Upon my face,
Into my open mouth
Onto my tongue
Down my throat.

You could really do anything.
But you can kill.
You can drown a life form in a moment.
Yet now,
p You choose not to do so
Not to kill.
You choose to save,
Save the weak.
Lay yourself down,
Onto my hand
Quench the thirst of my dry skin.

Make my hair wet,
Cover my body.
Soak me to the bone.

I prance in you
I bathe in you
I drink in you
Confide in you.

Take me,
Soak me.


What I really mean.

I don?t mean love,
As in love love,
I mean a love of appreciation.
Of being noticed,
Being recognized.
Love as in respect,
Excepting me the way I am,
Not what everyone expects.
I don?t mean love love I love you
I mean where someone can take me as I am and like me that way.
I?m myself and no one else
Don?t tell me who to be please.


Somedays I wish that it was night all the time. Night is my time for darkness. No, not darkness used as a metaphor for depression. Darkness, where you can gallop around and be weird, with no one to notice your behaviour. Darkness, black, the subtle yet now outrageous colour, the perfect colour. It separates day lovers and night owls. I?m definitely a night owl.


You seem as if you never
happy he said.
I?m happy I say, we
All have our times.


I can?t stand to be controlled,
My actions are mine,
And mine only.
They can?t tell me what to do,
What to say,
How to act.
I am an individual,
p And they have no say in it.
I do what I do,
Say what I say,
They can?t keep me in their grasp.
Smother me with protectiveness.
I can?t take it.
I won?t take it.
This is no such fun.


I live in the city where they are no clouds in the sky,
where you sit and watch the movies through someone else?s window,
and you perch yourself on the roof hoping that you?ll never go through what everyone else does,
it doesn?t make sense but what ever does?

And you wake up to realize that there?s no one ever there for you,
just screw it all you say to yourself,
and you throw down your luggage and say Nevermind it all,
I thought you were someone that I knew.
But I guess I never knew you,
I never saw that sweet person you said you were.

So you sit at the bar,
And drink to pure nothing,
Give a toast for all,
Raise your glass and offer some home to me.
Cheers cheers cheers
Cheer me and you and the man down the street.
Give a little dime to the bartender who gives you the remedy to life.


I don?t know what I see when I open my eyes,
a jumbles mass of
blurs and colours?
It?s a blurry world,
I?ll take out my contacts
And see the world
How it was supposed to be.
I won?t answer the phone,
I?ll talk as it was meant to be.
p Can?t you scrounge around for a tiny bit of grungy conversation?
Cuz when my eyes are closed
I can?t breathe,
And I can?t think of what to say
Or how to present myself.
So I?ll take off my glasses,
And keep my right to remain silent.


You seem so pure,
Yet I know there are silent issues inside,
Unleashed emotion,
I know they can?t stay there for much longer.

You look as if in pure bliss,
Mixed of heaven and hell,
So contrasting.
I wish you loved me as well.


He asks what?s up?
He asks what?s wrong?
He says I?m never happy,
I?m truly never here.
But, o damn,
I am here,
I am happy,
He is wrong,
O damn!
He is wrong!
I?m not medicated.
I?m happy on my own will,
Simply drunk on life
High on mortality
And he is wrong!
I am happy!
O damn.


Turn off the lights,
I want to be in darkness.
I?m hiding in the dark they say
I blend into the surroundings.
God my heart hurts so deeply,
I know not how to ease it.
Turn off the lights,
Leave me alone.
I can?t talk to people.
Ever wake up screaming and then you realize you haven?t even fallen asleep yet?
Please, turn off the lights,
And get off my planet.
It?s one fight after another
Another swift kick in the brain,
Give me some more brain damage please.
But this time hit the part that makes me feel,
Kick out my lights.
Ease whatever the somewhat I feel
And leave me in the dark.
Turn off the lights
Let myself take over,
Let the black flood over me.
Turn off the lights
Leave the silence with me
Give me your feelings
Share your problems with me.
I?ll take them in,
I?ll feel them too.
Just please kill me,
And turn off the lights.


God, are you out there?
God, are you there for me?
God, where are you?
How can I be expected to believe in something to unreal?
How can I have faith, when the faith I use is only used to defeat me?
God, I hurt. Can you help me?
Why does so much happen?
Bad things happen,
Yet they don?t help me get stronger.
God, are you really there?
You?ve never done much for me.


Feels like my body isn?t mine.
I?m a puppet then,
A marionette.
Pinocchio?s playthings.
My head moves to the right
But it flops.
I go left,
But slam into a wall.
I love that.
I can be something/someone else
For a change.


No communication.
Shut off.


I am not a statue.
I am not a delinquent.

Am I confined?

Why am I put here,

When I have done



Doors slam.
I am not a card game.




my email to Diane

so i hear ur trying to make justin and bobby ur bitches....well they're not.... justin and bobby is definatly mine!!!!!!...... i'm unbelivably serious...if u do anything to them..especially bobby....i'll kick ur ass!...i'm protective of my bitches....and those bitches are my bitches..... so u better not do anything!

(no subject)

i got to go out with my moms for like an hour or my cell....PLEASE 2545308....anyone up for doin anything later tonight? call me

(no subject)

i'm home....i dont feel like goin out unless someone is willing to pick me up ....but..people can come over and chill.....its all good....gimme a call or randomly come over....

jordan is at the weezer concert tonight....i'm so jealous

my night

erica came over and chilled for like an hour or so....we watched the tape of the picnic..its funny....good times.. peter called....talked to him for a while....said that zack wanted me to call him... so i got off the phone with peter....called zack...i've been talkin to zack for like a half an hour or so..he rocks..i wanna rape him....he's the coolest... i miss him so much....hopefully i'll see him soon....anyway

tomarrow i'm not doin anything during the day.....but its the kickoff dance at night...then maybe julie ashin's party if ashley's goin... i get to see Chana!! yay!!!......i'm thinking about wearing the dress rocks...

i miss ET.....i havent seen him in like 2 and a half days....thats a long time..oh man...i'm in tongue ring denial.. (its not complaining chris...its a random fact).according to stacey....kristen gave him my cell number....rock on

my dinner consisted of kosher burgers.. those are so good.. oh man.. they rock..

chris called....i tried to call him back but he like was out or something...which is weird.....

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
- Steve Martin

i want the sum 41 cd or tape....they rock
  • Current Music
    Sum 41 - Summer



Chitsuen ga arimasu.
"I have a vaginal infection."

"I'm in pain."

Kondoomu ga hoshiin desu ga.
"I'd like to buy some condoms."

Dono aji ga arimasu ka.
"What flavors do you have?"

Karada ni aimasen.
"It doesn't fit."

Torikaete kudasai.
"Can you exchange this, please?"

Tenchoo o yonde kudasai.
"I'd like to see the manager."

Ii gee baa o oshiete kudasai.
"Can you recommend a gay bar?"

Dare ga odotte imasu ka.
"Who's dancing?"

Hotto doggu ga totemo suki desu.
"I really like hot dogs!"

Sanka dekimasu ka.
"Can I join in?"

Keekensha desu.
"I'm experienced."

Kon-nichi-wa. Hajime mashite.
"Hello. We haven't met."

Dick desu.
"My name is Dick."

Nani ga okashiin desu ka.
"What's so funny?"

Hotto doggu o surare mashita.
"My hot dog was snatched."