January 28th, 2018


7 years

it wouldve been our 7 year anniversary today

i know i made the right decision in the end but it doesnt make it hurt any less.

at least one of us is happier now even if it isnt me


Depression and all the feelings

I have heavy depression daily and medication doesn't help me at all. I still consider myself to be extremely productive considering the way i feel all the time. Thc helps a little bit but not any prescribed thing I'd be given if i went back to a dr. I've been through talk therapy as a teen/early 20s but not as an adult. But i also know the roots of all my issues and talk therapy doesn't offer another view other than what I already know. It doesn't offer me useful tools to use in my every day life that i haven't read on the internet or through group chats. I've found no solace in any therapist or doctor other than my massage therapist. But even he can't help with getting over my past/current traumas.

I also feel lots of things at once. I can be incredibly grateful and incredibly bitter at the exact same time. I can feel jealousy and empathy for two completely different things or even the same thing at the exact same time.  I have no way to differentiate or splice these feelings into separate emotions. It all comes as a wave, all at once, all the time.  I don't know anyone who feels like i feel and i dont know any doctors that have ever had to deal with something like this

also decent article