February 13th, 2018



i still think about you every fucking day

i want to send an emoji or message to let you know but i cant bring myself to engage in an actual conversation yet which is sure to follow

my heart is still broken for lots of reasons most of which have nothing to do with you but i need to heal

how do i heal? what else can i do but over work myself , destroying my body/contributing to my chronic pain, and distract myself with music and bands that dont have any actual tourdates booked even though they all say they want me to go with them. why cant i just not think about you for one day? c

why does my grandma continually buy things she doesnt use? why cant she tape a box? she used to be a fucking teacher. do people really forget how to use tape? why does she judge me and body shame me then constantly tell me to not be upset when i actually dont have any outbursts at her? why does she tell me to not get upset with her when im literally just explaining procedure to her in detail? why do vacations always feel like more work than they should be? why does depression affect my self control and self worth all the fucking time. will my moms new dog let me hug her in peace? why did she tell me i can rant to her but then shoot me down when  i share anything that fucking upsets me?

why is there so much injustice in the world? why cant people just be better instead of fucking horrible all the time? why do cops keep straight up murdering people for literally no reason?

why cant my friends who are such good people stop dying?

why cant i go to work just once without being harassed by someone that claims to be my friend? why is gender inequality and bullshit seniority still a thing? why are People are particularly stupid today?.. why is this One lady here is trying to defend this oldass jerk who takes pictures of women's asses without their permission saying we should respect him cause he's old and our union was built by our elders..when really this guy is old and does absolutely no work. Doesn't listen or watch where he's going..then picks fights with people for calling him out on it. why is this acceptable behavior? why do other men see it and comment on it but never report it?

why are tickets to things so expensive? why does the only person who understands me live so fucking far away?

why cant i move past you? for just one day